Saturday, September 27, 2008

Missing my Camera!!!

Why the attachment to my camera?

Besides the obvious that I love taking photos, there is another reason I have grown so attached to my camera over the years. Even as a youth, I used the camera to capture what I loved, and now as a wife and mother it is continuing. It only makes sense that as my love for those in my life grows, my attachment to my camera would grow too. My sweet little children, how quickly they grow and change at this age. My little Jayden is almost four years old. Only a few short breaths ago, he was a newborn baby, or so it seems – some days it seems even longer ago than four years!

My super cute little girl is trouble! She climbed into her high chair today on her own - it was amazing. Then she used her highchair as a means to climb onto the kitchen counter so that she could grab my phone. Later in the same day she opened all the drawers in the kitchen and used them as stairs to climb onto the counter so she could reach the cookies. I have a sinking feeling that this is the beginning of some really frustrating months/years with her! But she sure is cute doing it, and somehow she makes me proud when she gets into mischief… as well as frustrated! Tonight she took Jayden’s stuffed puppies to him because he couldn’t fall asleep without them. It was so cute. You could see that she knew she was awesome for doing it. She was so satisfied when Jayden said; “Thank you Alysha, I love you.”

Perhaps along the way I have crossed over from loving my family to having a weird love affair with my camera instead. I somehow equate photographing those I love with actually loving them. Is that sane? Does it need to be rationalized? Is it biblical? Does it poorly affect my walk with God? Does it poorly affect my relationship with those I love? Is this even true? Just because I am frustrated with not having a camera right now, it makes it feel like I have a real problem. Yes, I have a habit of reaching for my camera every time I see something beautiful. Yes, I have a habit of reaching for my camera every time my children do something that touches my heart. Yes, I think about what the journaling will be on my scrapbook page while I take the photos. Is this an addiction problem or is this just a habit or is this a good way to document my children and my love of my family? I don’t know… all I know is that it sure is frustrating to have nothing but a camera phone to work with right now… especially when the leaves on the trees are so colourfully, beautifully yellow!

Well, perhaps my camera and my scrapbooking are just my ways of trying to hold on to those precious moments that my children give me in surplus. Yes, having children is a lot of work, and yes, I never had planned to be a mom so early in life… no, I do not feel slighted by God because of my ‘unplanned’ first pregnancy. I feel absolutely blessed! GOD, thank you so much. I want to share these beautiful moments with someone because they are so big that they can’t even fit in my heart. Perhaps, every once in a while, I could put away my camera and my scrapbooking paper and just share those moments with you.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being an idiot for so thoroughly photographing the lives of my children… a house fire, a flood, or something else could quickly take all of that away from me… and I keep telling myself that I can’t take my scrapbooks with me to heaven… but, I still think they are good things and that they are important. It is special to be able to look back and remember how blessed you are… To remember where you started and how you got where you are… To count the many ways God has blessed you… and to laugh at old family photos!! But, I think, perhaps, I also need to keep in mind that I’m not my family’s personal reporter… I am a member! I need to involve myself in family things, not just document them.

Thanks for that realization, God!

Now, can you restore my camera to me…


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